🚨 HERE'S WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS WORLD: WE'VE CONFUSED COMPASSION WITH ENABLING. 🚨
They come across as the victim.
They weasel their way into your life, using their past pain as an excuse to treat others with disrespect, disdain, and accusations.
They lie.
They triangulate.
They manipulate.
They act perpetually needy.
They use people because they believe they're entitled to what others have.
They refuse to take responsibility.
They manipulate to get what they want—and when they don't get it, they explode.
They rarely serve others from a genuine heart. And when they do, sometimes it's simply another way to exploit someone or gain something for themselves.
And no…
It's not always because they "don't know better."
It's not our job to diagnose their motives or excuse harmful behavior because of a mental health condition or a difficult past.
Pain may explain someone's behavior.
But it does not excuse their behavior.
At some point, each person is responsible for what they do with their pain.
A wounded person can choose healing.
A broken person can choose repentance.
A hurting person can choose to stop hurting others.
And when someone repeatedly refuses accountability, rejects correction, and continues to harm others, we have to stop confusing forgiveness with access.
So how do you respond?
Do you enable their behavior and call it "love"?
Or do you establish boundaries?
Do you allow consequences?
Do you expect respect?
Do you remove yourself—or those you are responsible for protecting—from an unsafe environment when necessary?
Because here's the question we need to ask:
Are we teaching the people around us that love means tolerating abuse… or that love can include truth, boundaries, accountability, and consequences?
If we want a better world, we have to do better.
We have to stop calling evil good and good evil.
We have to stop twisting Scripture to gaslight victims, silence the wounded, and enable destructive behavior.
We have to stop using "forgiveness" as a weapon against people who are trying to get free.
Sometimes biblical love looks like reconciliation.
Sometimes it looks like correction.
Sometimes it looks like a boundary.
And sometimes, as Scripture teaches in 2 Timothy 3:5, it means turning away from those who have an outward form of godliness but deny its power.
That's not resentment.
That's not bitterness.
That's not unforgiveness.
That's discernment.
It's about protecting what is holy.
It's about protecting the vulnerable.
It's about creating homes where children learn that love does not require them to tolerate mistreatment.
It's about raising a generation that understands the difference between compassion and codependency, forgiveness and reconciliation, grace and enabling.
People say, "I don't know what's wrong with this world."
I'll tell you what's wrong:
We've become so afraid of offending people that we're willing to offend God.
We've prioritized comfort over conviction.
We've chosen what's easy over what's right.
We've called accountability "judgment."
We've called boundaries "unloving."
We've called enabling "grace."
And we've sometimes twisted the Word of God to protect the offender while leaving the wounded to suffer in silence.
We need to do better.
And this isn't coming from pride or self-righteousness.
I've made my mistakes.
I've suffered consequences for the things I did—and even for things I didn't do.
But I've learned.
I've been corrected.
I've repented.
And I can tell you this:
God's correction is not rejection. It's love.
Scripture tells us that the Lord disciplines those He loves.
Maybe that's part of the problem.
Maybe we're not loving people enough to tell them the truth anymore.
Maybe we've become more concerned with keeping the peace than pursuing righteousness.
Maybe we're choosing what's easy instead of what's holy.
But as an Overcomer in Him, I refuse to participate in that cycle.
I will love people.
I will forgive.
I will extend grace.
And I will also tell the truth, hold boundaries, allow consequences, and protect what God has entrusted to me.
Because true love doesn't enable destruction.
True love calls us higher.
And sometimes the most loving thing we can do is stop rescuing someone from the consequences of their own choices—and let God do the work only He can do.
We can forgive without giving unlimited access.
We can love without enabling.
We can have compassion without compromising truth.
And we can walk away from what is destructive without hatred in our hearts.
That's not being cruel.
That's becoming an Overcomer in Him.
If this applies to you and you need professional support to come alongside you in your healing journey, who has also been there, take that first step by reaching out to me to set up a time to discuss what that would look like and begin your BREAKTHROUGH to taking your life back and become the woman God created you to be.Â
Connie Wunderly, BSN, RN, NC-BC, BC-MHC
Bachelor of Ministry
Board Certified Trauma Informed Nurse Coach
Christian Mental Health Coach (American Academy of Christian Counselors)Â
Certified Narcissistic Abuse Specialist
Certified Somatic Experiencing, Positive Psychology, Rupa Health, & Brainspotting Practitioner
Author
Someone Who Has been There and Overcome
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