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How To Develop A Secure Attachment Style

Overcoming narcissistic abuse and developing a secure attachment style can be a challenging journey, but it's entirely achievable with patience, self-compassion, and dedication to personal growth. Here are 10 steps individuals can take as Overcomers in Him to transition to a secure attachment style:

  1. Seek Professional Support: Consider working with a therapist or coach experienced in trauma recovery and attachment issues. Professional guidance can provide valuable insights, coping strategies, and emotional support tailored to your specific needs.

  2. Educate Yourself: Educate yourself about narcissistic abuse, trauma, and attachment theory. Understanding the dynamics of abusive relationships and their impact on attachment styles can empower you to navigate healing and recovery more effectively.

  3. Practice Self-Compassion & Self-Care: Cultivate self-compassion by acknowledging your experiences, emotions, and vulnerabilities without judgment. Treat yourself with kindness, gentleness, and understanding as you navigate the healing process.  Prioritize self-care activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and fulfillment, such as exercise, meditation, hobbies, or spending time in nature.

  4. Set Boundaries: Establish and maintain healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further harm and reestablish a sense of safety and autonomy. Communicate your needs, preferences, and limits assertively and consistently, honoring your worth and dignity.

  5. Process Emotions: Allow yourself to feel and process a range of emotions, including anger, sadness, grief, and fear, associated with narcissistic, emotional, and spiritual abuse. Express emotions in healthy ways through journaling, creative outlets, or talking to trusted friends or support groups.

  6. Challenge Negative Beliefs: Challenge negative beliefs and self-perceptions instilled by the narcissistic abuser. Practice reframing distorted thoughts and internalized criticisms with self-affirming and empowering statements that reinforce your worth and capabilities.

  7. Build Supportive Relationships: Surround yourself with supportive and understanding individuals who validate your experiences, offer empathy, and provide unconditional love and acceptance. Cultivate relationships based on mutual respect, trust, and reciprocity.

  8. Develop Secure Attachment Patterns: Practice relational skills and behaviors associated with secure attachment through corrective experiencing, such as effective communication, empathy, emotional regulation, and collaboration. Cultivate healthy relationships built on mutual trust, intimacy, and commitment.

  9. Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge and celebrate your progress, no matter how small, towards healing and developing a secure attachment style. Recognize your resilience, courage, and growth as you journey towards greater self-awareness, authenticity, and wholeness.

  10. Invest in your most important relationship of all:  Daily God time and listening to His Word is both healing and transformative.  A relationship in alignment with our heavenly Father is the basis for your security, identity, and all other relationships to flow from.  

Remember, healing from narcissistic, emotional, and spiritual abuse while transitioning to a secure attachment style is a gradual process that requires patience, perseverance, and self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself, trust in your inner strength, and have faith that you are deserving of love, respect, and healthy relationships.

Love & blessings!  

Connie Dunn, BSN, RN, NC-BC, BC-MHC

Board Certified Trauma Informed Positive Psychology Nurse Coach, Christian Mental Health Coach (American Academy of Christian Counselors), Narcissistic Abuse Specialist, Somatic Experiencing & Brainspotting Practitioner


This is so good! Each step is so important and this is a great reminder to keep these in the forefront of our minds! #10 is my #1 but I have been learning that the other steps are key to breaking free from trauma because doing the work is also necessary because faith is mostly action! Thank you for sharing! 🙌🏻

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Thank you! And Amen! You got it!!! ❤️

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