So once a month, I go to my oldest daughter’s apartment to spend a Saturday afternoon just with them. I love the time with them, but it’s extra special because it’s in their domain. Their peaceful, safe place that my daughter has created an incredible home of. It is organized, clean, smells lovely, but not chemical scents. It just feels peaceful, comfortable, and healthy.
Occasionally, we go for a hike or an adventure at a nearby park or special place. We’ve gone Kayaking in the springs, hiking at a park near where we live, hiking at a prairie further away with wild horses, wild bison, and alligators, to a giant sinkhole with a breathtaking view and waterfall, and sometimes we go to the beach.
Whatever we do, or wherever we go, it becomes one of my favorite moments. See…when Nikki was growing up, there were a lot of challenges in our home due to the toxicity of my ex, several traumas, and her having two younger sisters that I adopted with severe disabilities. We made it work and had countless memories and special moments. Nikki was always happy to help with her sisters. She was the one who said, “Mama, please get her. I’ll help you and I’ll always be here.” So, she became my right hand. I never realized how true she would be to that word. The day my ex and I separated, at 17 years old, she sat down next to me and asked me to do her a favor. I told her, “Of course baby. What do you need?” She said, “Don’t let him come back.” When I asked if she really meant that, she confirmed.
She has remained by my side and was a warrior for our team. Sure, she’s human and went through some times where she had to process, grow into who she is as an individual, seek a healthy balance for her own personal life, and get out to create what God had for her. Yet, she was never far and created a life that gives her independence and individuality while yet being who she always wanted to be.
She’s an incredible mom, sister, and daughter. I couldn’t be more proud of how she has overcome, battled demons, stood up for her own needs, lives her life for God, and rocks it at her jobs and her schooling.
So when I go over to visit them at their home, I thoroughly enjoy their company but I also just sit in gratefulness and awe of the life she has created for herself while still thinking of and helping others.
So, this week, when I went over, I expected it to be the same. We’d play some with my grandson, wrestle a little and tickle him, play with their rabbit, Poppy, eat healthy snacks, drink Kombucha and detox shots, play a little Mario with my grandson, and pile up to watch something.
That’s exactly what we did. However, something was different this week. We played a different Mario game. He wanted to play Cat Mario. Well, he’s pretty amazing at this game and I was clueless. While trying to do my best, I couldn’t even come close to keeping up. The next thing I know, my daughter, who was Princess Peach in the game, says, “I got you Mimi (what my grandson calls me). I’ll carry you.” and proceeds to swoop me up over her head and take off. It cracked me up, but then I noticed that it also made me feel emotional.
My whole childhood, I longed for someone to say, “I got you. I’ll carry you.” My entire first marriage, I longed for that. To be protected.
I’ve done the work to heal and process the trauma I’ve gone through. Not to say I’m done. The types of trauma like what I’ve gone through are a lifelong healing process. I’m at peace with that though, as now I am healed to a place where I can enjoy the journey and take everything I’ve gone through and use it for good to help others while being able to relate to where they are.
But…when my daughter said those words…there was a part of me that felt those words deep in my soul. They were simple, yet healing. Playful, yet true. Lighthearted, yet significant.
I just sat there and watched her with a Nintendo Switch controller in hand running through castles and mazes laughing and “carrying me.” She had no idea how deeply I felt that. How I could actually feel a part of me healing as I realized, she has my back and always has. I’ve known she’s my best friend and what a blessing that is to have with my daughter, but in that moment a part of the little girl in me, felt safe, held, worthy. And that…that was a gift for which I am overwhelmingly grateful.
We all need and deserve that someone who will ‘carry you’ in times of need. I pray you have that person. If not, my prayer is that He will send you someone just for you!
Love and blessings!
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