Everyone desires to have someone show you affection, go above and beyond for you, and be willing to make sacrifices for you. But at what point, does this cross the line?
Unfortunately, there are some who are keenly aware of this need and use it for personal gain.
Love bombing is a manipulative technique and psychological abuse employed by narcissists to gain control and manipulate their victims. In this article, we will explore the concept of love bombing & what it entails, how narcissists employ this tactic, how to recognize it compared to a healthy relationship, ways to identify & test it within a relationship, and finally, how to overcome love bombing through faith, backed up with relevant scriptures.
Understanding Love Bombing
Love bombing refers to an initial phase in a relationship where the narcissist bombards their target with excessive acts of affection, attention, and even expensive gifts. At first this may feel like everything you’ve ever wanted. You may feel like you’ve found your soulmate. This can be even more intense following an unhealthy or abusive relationship. The purpose is to create an intense and overwhelming experience that leaves the victim emotionally dependent on the narcissist. This technique serves as a tool for gaining control and manipulation.
How Narcissists Use Love Bombing
Narcissists and those with anxious attachment use love bombing to establish a powerful bond with their victims, while disguising their true intent. They may shower their partner with compliments, lavish gifts, and constant attention to create an illusion of an idealized relationship. However, it is important to note that love bombing is not sustainable and often precedes abusive behavior. This also is likely to be combined with future faking where the narcissist makes grand promises for what they plan to do in the future however, it is all based on words and absent of actions to follow through.
Love bombing is part of the Abuse Cycle as show below:
Recognizing Love Bombing vs. Healthy Relationships
Differentiating love bombing from a healthy relationship is crucial. While it may initially be difficult to discern, certain key points can help you identify love bombing. Healthy relationships are built on mutual trust, respect, and genuine feelings, whereas love bombing is characterized by excessive flattery, rushed intensity, and feelings of dependency. Pay attention to red flags such as constant need for attention, intensity in the early stages, consuming excessive amounts of time, and disregarding personal boundaries.
Testing for Love Bombing
To test if you are experiencing love bombing, it's important to take a step back and evaluate the relationship. Slow down the pace and give yourselves time to grow together without being heavily influenced by extravagant displays of affection. Healthy relationships develop gradually, while love bombing often involves unrealistic and excessive expressions of love from the start.
Here are ten questions to ask yourself:
Are expressions of affection and admiration excessive and too intense early in the relationship?
Do you feel overwhelmed by constant attention and compliments from the other person?
Are there signs of possessiveness or an insistence on exclusivity from the beginning? Do they get jealous when you spend time with others, monopolize your time, and leave you feeling you have to choose?
Is the other person making grand promises or future plans without knowing you well?
Are you feeling pressured to reciprocate feelings or commit to the relationship quickly? Does the person use the phrase “soulmate” when pressuring you? Do you feel like they are trying to lock you in?
Is the other person overly persistent, ignoring your boundaries or attempts to slow down the relationship? Do you feel like you’ve been coerced into situations you didn’t want?
Do you feel an unequal balance of power, with the other person trying to control or dominate the relationship? Do you feel like they won’t take ‘no’ for an answer?
Have you noticed a lack of genuine interest in your feelings, interests, or personal boundaries?
Are there inconsistencies in the other person's behavior or a mismatch between their words and actions?
Are you feeling confused or uncertain about the other person's true intentions or feelings?
If you answered "yes" to several of these questions, it may be a sign that you are experiencing love bombing. It's important to take your feelings and instincts seriously. Remember, healthy relationships are built on trust, mutual respect, and genuine connection, not overwhelming displays of affection and manipulation. If it feels too good to be true, it probably is.
Overcoming Love Bombing through Faith
If you find yourself a victim of love bombing, know that you can overcome this manipulative tactic. Turning to your faith can provide solace, strength, discernment, and guidance during this challenging time. Scripture offers valuable wisdom and guidance for healing and renewing your spirit. Seek comfort in Psalms 34:18, which reminds us that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Do Not Be Hard on Yourself for Not Knowing
You may experience embarrassment, shame, grief, depression, confusion, sadness, or anger from the loss and not recognizing it sooner. I can relate. I’ve been there myself. Remember, their goal was to deceive you and they played on your good heart and your natural desire to be loved. It’s not your fault. Do evaluate what you can learn from the situation and how you can prevent it from happening in the future.
If You Feel You Are Safe, Strong Enough, Hopeful, and Want to Give It Another Try
Have a clear conversation about your reservations and re-establishing your boundaries while also creating some healthy space. If they resist or get defensive, it is wise to back away from the relationship entirely. Do not try to get them to change at this point as that is a sign of codependency and is likely to not end well. Refer back to the image above.
Either way, surround yourself with a strong support system that includes friends, family, and maybe even a coach that specializes in narcissistic & emotional abuse. They can provide valuable insights, perspective, safety, and nurturing during your healing process.
The abuser will likely respond with gaslighting and aggression, because you have threatened their ego and control. The target is often unaware of what has been happening until deeper into the relationship due to the mask that the narcissist wears during the love bombing phase. Having your support team will be key in overcoming and making the necessary changes.
Conclusion
Recognizing love bombing is essential to maintaining emotional well-being and avoiding potentially harmful relationships. By understanding how narcissists use love bombing, comparing it to healthy relationships, establishing tests to evaluate relationships, and seeking refuge in faith, you can gain the strength and resilience needed to overcome the effects of love bombing. When our identity is in Him, we are not dependent on the need for another to make us feel loved and important. This makes us less of a target and better equipped to recognize manipulative behavior while addressing it early on. Remember, you are not alone, and with time and the right support, healing is possible.
If you ever feel in danger: contact National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) or dial 911.
NARCISSISTIC ABUSE & TRAUMA BREAKTHROUGH PROGRAM: 1 session + 1 program @ US$199.00 https://p.bttr.to/3IOHqrV
An online self paced program designed to educate, encourage, equip, empower, comfort, support, validate, and give you hope as you Overcome In Him. Created by a Bible believing RN that is also a Board Certified Holistic Nurse Coach, Certified Trauma Informed, Narcissistic Abuse Specialist, Christian Mental Health Coaching, a Certified Brainspotting Practitioner, and so much more!
Am I Dealing With A Narcissist?
bit.ly/3wEVQ6h or https://l.bttr.to/tNDrT
Overcomers in Him Resiliency Quiz
Overcomers in Him Newsletter:
Initial Discovery/Consultation regarding coaching packages & how I can help you:
As someone who has and still is experiencing the pain and disbelief of my husband doing this to me, I can relate and agree with all of this. I wish I had understood the signs in the beginning especially. It’s difficult because even when you know your worth in Christ Jesus, a ‘Godly prayer warrior’ can sneak up on you with love bombing and be the ‘answer to your prayers’ all the while can lie and deceive to ‘sweep you off of your feet’ all in the name of love.
Thank you for posting this, it is so helpful. 🧡