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WHEN "PLAYING" BECOMES BULLYING—EVEN IN MARRIAGE

  • 1 day ago
  • 4 min read

Let's be honest.

Bullying doesn't always look like a child being picked on at school.


Sometimes it looks like the spouse who constantly mocks you, humiliates you, criticizes you, intimidates you, or deliberately pushes your buttons—and then says, "I was just kidding."


Sometimes it looks like the person who hurts you and then tells you that you're "too sensitive."


Sometimes it looks like manipulation disguised as love.


Gaslighting disguised as concern.


Blameshifting disguised as accountability.


Projection disguised as truth.


Deflection disguised as wisdom.


And sometimes, tragically, it even looks like Scripture being weaponized against you.

"You're supposed to submit."

"You're supposed to forgive."

"You're supposed to love your enemies."

"You're supposed to turn the other cheek."

"You're supposed to stay."

"You're supposed to respect your husband."


But here's what I want every Overcomer to understand:

God's Word was never given to make you an easier target for someone's sin.


Biblical submission does not mean submitting to abuse.


Forgiveness does not mean eliminating consequences.


Grace does not mean enabling destructive behavior.


Turning the other cheek does not mean volunteering to be repeatedly harmed.


And loving someone does not require you to surrender your God-given discernment, boundaries, voice, or identity.


Jesus Himself was compassionate—but He was not manipulated.


He was loving—but He was not controlled.


He was forgiving—but He confronted hypocrisy.


He was humble—but He never compromised truth to make someone else comfortable.

Matthew 10:16 says, "Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves."


That means we are called to walk in both wisdom and innocence.


We don't become cruel because someone was cruel to us.


We don't become manipulative because we were manipulated.


We don't repay evil with evil.


But neither do we continue calling evil "good" just because someone uses Christian language while doing it.


Romans 16:19 reminds us to be wise about what is good and innocent about what is evil.


And Proverbs 22:3 tells us:

"The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it."


There comes a time when being "nice" is no longer kindness.


There comes a time when silence is no longer peace.


There comes a time when "keeping the peace" becomes enabling.


And there comes a time when we must stop asking, "How can I make this person treat me better?"

…and start asking:

"What is God showing me about what I am allowing, what I am believing, and who I am becoming?"


To every woman who has been manipulated, gaslighted, blamed, projected onto, deflected onto, mocked, shamed, bullied, or spiritually coerced:

You are not crazy.

You are not responsible for carrying someone else's sin.

You do not have to accept a false identity that someone else created for you.

You do not have to spend your life defending yourself against accusations that were designed to keep you constantly on trial.

And you do not have to confuse someone's anger with God's conviction.


God's voice leads us toward truth, repentance, freedom, and restoration—not confusion, bondage, fear, and control.


Your identity was never meant to be found in the opinions, accusations, approval, or rejection of another person.


Your identity is in Christ.


And sometimes the healing journey is not just about recovering from what someone did to you.


It's about recovering who you were before they convinced you that you were someone you weren't.


That is why I wrote my new book.


My new book addresses the spirit behind these destructive patterns, the tactics that keep people trapped, and the journey of reclaiming the identity that trauma and manipulation tried to steal.


Because you were created to be an Overcomer In Him.


Not an overcomer because you became strong enough to survive everything alone.

But an Overcomer because Christ met you in the broken places, brought truth where there were lies, light where there was darkness, and identity where there had been confusion.


You can forgive without forgetting.


You can love without enabling.


You can have compassion without abandoning discernment.


You can be wise as a serpent and innocent as a dove.


You can set boundaries without hatred.


You can walk away from dysfunction without bitterness.


And you can choose truth over manipulation, wisdom over naivety, and obedience to God over appeasing people.


The goal isn't to become harder.


The goal is to become healed, discerning, grounded, and free.


Because when you know who you are in Christ, you no longer have to let someone else's dysfunction tell you who you are.


You are an Overcomer In Him.


And it's time to live like it. ❤️‍🩹


"If your 'playing' or 'kidding' isn't fun for everyone involved, it's not playing—it's bullying."


If you'd like to be part of my Book Launch Team and get a free digital copy of my new book What is Narcissism? A Biblical & Trauma Informed Breakdown click HERE.



If this applies to you and you need professional support to come alongside you in your healing journey, who has also been there, take that first step by reaching out to me to set up a time to discuss what that would look like and begin your BREAKTHROUGH to taking your life back and become the woman God created you to be. 


Connie Wunderly, BSN, RN, NC-BC, BC-MHC



Board Certified Trauma Informed Nurse Coach

Christian Mental Health Coach (American Academy of Christian Counselors) 

Certified Narcissistic Abuse Specialist

Certified Somatic Experiencing, Positive Psychology, & Brainspotting Practitioner

Someone Who Has been There and Overcome


Need help?  


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