THE FEMALE NARCISSIST

15 hours ago
3 min read

While I most often speak about the male narcissist, it is important to understand that narcissism is not exclusive to men.

The majority of my clients are women healing from trauma and narcissistic abuse, which is why much of my content reflects their experiences. However, I have also worked with men who have been deeply wounded by women operating in the same narcissistic spirit.

Abuse, manipulation, control, deceit, envy, and destruction are not gender-specific issues.

Personally and professionally, I have witnessed women destroy marriages, families, friendships, ministries, churches, and businesses because of their desire for control, power, recognition, attention, or because they were driven by envy.

I have seen women:

• Pursue another woman's husband or family because they wanted what someone else had built.

• Attempt to take control of ministries they did not start.

• Manipulate others behind the scenes to gain influence and authority.

• Create division among friends, family members, church members, or ministry teams.

• Spread gossip and rumors to damage someone's reputation.

• Bear false witness against innocent people.

• Turn people against one another through half-truths, deception, and emotional manipulation.

• Position themselves as the victim while actively causing the very chaos they complain about.

• Use tears, charm, sympathy, spirituality, or victimhood to gain control of situations and people.

A female narcissist may be overt or covert.

The overt female narcissist is often controlling, domineering, attention-seeking, entitled, and openly manipulative.

The covert female narcissist can be much harder to recognize. She may appear vulnerable, spiritual, wounded, or helpful while quietly manipulating circumstances, relationships, and perceptions behind the scenes. She often gains access to the ears of others through sympathy, gossip, selective storytelling, and carefully crafted narratives.

She may convince people that she is the victim while she is actively creating division and destruction.

She often does the initial damage individually in private and then blindsides her target in public or in front of others as a way to usurp authority and control.

This is why discernment is so important.

The Bible warns us repeatedly about these behaviors.

Proverbs 6:16-19 tells us there are things the Lord hates, including:

"A lying tongue... a heart that devises wicked plans... a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community."

Romans 16:17-18 warns believers:

"Watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them."

Titus 3:10-11 instructs us:

"Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them."

This is not about people who have been genuinely traumatized and are establishing healthy boundaries while healing.

There is a significant difference between:

✔ A wounded person protecting themselves and their children while seeking healing and growth.

and

✖ A manipulative person using victimhood, deception, division, and false accusations to control others.

One seeks healing.

The other seeks power.

One desires restoration.

The other desires control.

Victims of narcissistic abuse—whether male or female—often find themselves being falsely accused, misrepresented, isolated, or targeted by smear campaigns. They may watch others believe lies about them and wonder if the truth will ever come out.

But take heart.

Nothing escapes the eyes of God.

He is our Defender.

He is our Protector.

He is our Provider.

He is our Deliverer.

And He is our Judge.

The Lord sees every lie, every manipulation, every false accusation, every act of envy, and every attempt to destroy what He has established.

What is hidden from people is never hidden from Him.

If you are a victim, stay anchored in Christ.

Do not allow the sin of another person to pull you away from your character, integrity, or calling.

Continue walking in truth.