✨How a Narcissist Drains Your “Oil” & Empties Your Cup✨ (and how to reclaim what God poured into you)
- overcomerinhim1021
- Dec 2, 2025
- 3 min read
One of the most subtle — and spiritually dangerous — aspects of narcissistic abuse is how it drains your oil, the anointing and strength God gives you to live, love, parent, grow, and fulfill your purpose.
A narcissist does not pour into you… they pull from you.
Sometimes quietly.
Sometimes chaotically.
Always consistently.
And that constant drain eventually leaves even the strongest woman running on fumes.
🛢️ They Drain Your Oil Through Daily Chaos
Narcissistic individuals often engage in patterns that slowly siphon your emotional, spiritual, and physical reserves, including:
Baiting conflict when you’re finally at peace
Interrupting your sleep with arguments, silent treatment, or late-night chaos
Disrupting your God time because your spiritual strength threatens their control
Interfering with your parenting, creating confusion or triangulation
Sabotaging your work—whether in the home or outside
Blocking your ability to exercise or take care of yourself, because a healthy version of you is harder to control
This is not random.
It is a cycle of control-based depletion.
🛞 It’s Like Someone Deflating Your Tires…
Imagine someone going around every day and letting the air out of your tires.
And then complaining that:
“You’re not fun anymore.”
“You don’t smile like you used to.”
“You can’t keep up.”
“Why are you so tired?”
They drain you…
then blame you for being drained.
💼 The Career, Calling, and Joy You Walk Away From
Many women in these dynamics find themselves:
Quitting or losing jobs
Stopping hobbies they once loved
Losing friendships and support systems
Withdrawing from church
Disconnecting from dreams & God-given callings
Not because they are lazy, weak, or unmotivated…
…but because they don’t even have enough oil left to function, let alone thrive.
📚 The Evidence
This isn’t “in your head.”
Psychological and trauma research consistently shows:
✔️ Chronic emotional chaos increases cortisol and adrenaline, keeping the body in fight-or-flight & causing weight gain
✔️ Sleep disruption affects immunity, mood regulation, memory, and decision-making
✔️ Controlling and unpredictable behavior erodes self-efficacy
✔️ Forced isolation weakens mental health and increases dependency
✔️ Ongoing invalidation leads to anxiety, depression, freeze responses, and burnout
✔️ Walking on eggshells rewires the nervous system to prioritize survival instead of growth
You aren’t “too sensitive.”
Your oil is being systematically stolen.
🕊️ So How Do We Refill Our Oil?
1. Protect Your Time With God
This is not optional — it is oil-producing.
Your spiritual clarity breaks their confusion.
2. Create Radical Boundaries
Not just emotional boundaries but also behavioral boundaries.
What you allow, what you walk away from, what you no longer negotiate.
3. Prioritize Rest
Your nervous system cannot heal in exhaustion.
Sleep is spiritual warfare in abusive environments.
4. Rebuild Your Support System
Safe people refill your cup.
Controlling people drain it.
5. Reconnect With What God Called You To
Even small steps—reading, walking, worship music, journaling—begin the restoration of your identity.
6. Get Trauma-Informed Help
Somatic Experiencing, IFS, positive psychology, and faith-based coaching help you rebuild the inside so you can stand strong on the outside.
🔥 Final Word
A narcissist drains your “oil” because a woman filled with the Holy Spirit is a threat to their control.
But here’s the truth:
You do not have to remain empty.
You can be refilled.
You can choose to be an Overcomer in Him, and if you cling to God, He will restore your strength, your joy, your calling, and your cup — pressed down, shaken together, and running over.
If this applies to you and you need professional support to come alongside you in your healing journey, who has also been there, take that first step by reaching out to me to set up a time to discuss what that would look like and begin your BREAKTHROUGH to taking your life back and become the woman God created you to be.
Connie Wunderly, BSN, RN, NC-BC, BC-MHC
Board Certified Trauma Informed Nurse Coach
Christian Mental Health Coach (American Academy of Christian Counselors)
Certified Narcissistic Abuse Specialist
Certified Somatic Experiencing, Positive Psychology, & Brainspotting Practitioner
Someone Who Has been There and Overcome
Need help?
1:1 Coaching/Mentorship
Self-Paced Online Narcissistic Abuse & Trauma Breakthrough Program
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